Mr and Mr

We are all supposed to live in a modern, multi-gendered society — particularly when it comes to circling the globe, touching down at internationally glamorous five-star properties. But as one half of a long-standing, well-travelled, civilly-partnered couple, I’ve lost track of the times the pair of us, Messrs Nick Redman and Ashley Pope, have bowled the world’s most sophisticated hotels a googly with our same-sex status.

From double-takes at check-in to bar-staff enquiries into the whereabouts of our wives, via sleepless nights bundled together in one of the two beds in the entry-level twin we were thoughtlessly issued… Come to think of it, the gaffes we’ve experienced over the years would make a pretty terrific Frasier farce.

Perhaps it doesn’t help that my partner’s name is unisex. It certainly would go some way to explaining the memorable warm welcome card once slipped under our door that read: “Dear Mr Nick and Miss Ashley, we wish you a wonderful stay”’ Mr Nick? Miss Ashley? Who did they think they were hosting? Fugitives from The Little House on the Prairie?

In an digital age of de rigueur details — where you need to supply your blood group and inside leg measurement in order to book a restaurant table, let alone a resort week — is it beyond the wit of man (woman, he/she/they) to work out from a couple of given titles who’s coming to stay?

Why assume automatically that guests will be men with women? My other half still seethes at the memory of a luxury palazzo stay in Lombardy some years back when the guest relations manager at reception looked up astonished and said, “Ashley? I thought you’d be a woman.”

And so we continue to cause confusion wherever we go: complimentary in-suite wine on arrival for “Ms Redman and Mr Pope”; perhaps a free cheeseboard for “Mr Redman and Mrs Pope”. To add insult to injury, on occasion, only one of us — or rather our alter egos — has the bestowal. I distinctly recall a spa session offered to “Nicola”.

Which brings me on to the unconscionable his-and-hers bathrobes and slippers left with such presumption, from the Maldives to the South Pacific. Offending hotels should take a leaf out of the customer care book at both Kulm and Kronenhof, where such same sex matters are addressed with sensitivity.

There’s a more complicated side to the whole LGBTQI+ holiday affair: acceptance in major vacation destinations. In 64 countries homosexuality is still illegal. Given the US$218 billion that LGBTQ+ travellers have been estimated to be worth, how might things change? Watch this space. For now, I can only say that we’ve certainly enjoyed mirth over the years, often keeping those welcome cards and gift tags as souvenirs. We’ll always have a soft spot for the empty B&B in Wales one Easter, where the proprietor asked us discreetly one morning, as we tucked into the Tupperwares of cereals, whether we’d like ‘some romantic music’ with our breakfast. ‘You bet,’ we chorused. ‘Garland or Streisand.’

And now that we’re both the proud owners of matching slippers and an appropriately addressed welcome card from the ever-thoughtful, forward-thinking Kulm Hotel, I can report that at least some top establishments in the world can get the Mr & Mr business right.